


us against the murderous neighbors next door

by dutiesofcare



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Family, Fluff, Found Family, Funny, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 13:55:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30140598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dutiesofcare/pseuds/dutiesofcare
Summary: “Poe, trespassing is illegal. We can’t just break into someone else’s property!”Poe is convinced that their new neighbors are murderers, leaving Finn the arduous job of knocking some sense into him.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Poe Dameron/Finn/Rey
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	us against the murderous neighbors next door

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Damewhore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Damewhore/gifts).



> for alex,
> 
> happy birthday, my friend. thank you for the memories <3

If anybody thought that peace would come after the Resistance had defeated the First Order, they clearly didn’t know  _ shit _ .

Or, maybe, they did know shit. They just didn’t know what a normal day was like for the heroes of the Resistance.

_ Chaos.  _ Every day was chaos.

After the end of the war, the three heroes realized they were in the need of a  _ home  _ — somewhere other than a  _ ship  _ that was essentially falling apart and required at least three fixings a day.

Hence why they had ended up sharing a nice apartment in Naboo. Nice, because their simple upbringings didn’t leave them the urgency of living somewhere extravagant — no, they just wanted a  _ home _ . Naboo, because Poe had once heard Leia talk that she had ancestry there, and since they couldn’t honor her by moving to Alderaan, they chose Naboo — so they could at least be in her presence somehow, as they all missed her dearly. Sharing, because Rey was training Finn in the ways of the Force, and Finn was dating Poe —  _ at fucking last  _ — so it worked perfectly for everybody.

Well, it worked perfectly for everybody as in — it was  _ chaos.  _ Absolute chaos.

Peace? They were so strange to it that they didn’t even know anymore what that word  _ meant _ .

That day, Poe had been kicked out of the apartment. Rey and Finn had been trying to meditate and Poe, amidst his boredom, kept making noises with his mouth next to them. Rey, as the raging lesbian that she declared herself to be, pointed her yellow lightsaber to his  _ groin  _ and threatened to  _ burn  _ if he didn’t immediately make himself scarce.

Fearing for the well-being of some parts of himself that he particularly liked, Poe had been gone for the best of four hours. Doing what? Neither Jedi was interested in finding out.

Finn and Rey were deep in meditation when the sound of knocks on the door brought them back from their trance. Rey angrily huffed, and Finn, afraid she would threaten  _ him  _ for the disruption of their privacy, made a calming gesture with his hands and quickly jumped on his feet to see what the disturbance was all about.

He wished he could have said he was surprised when he peeped through the magic eye and saw the galaxy’s most twisted smile on the other side. Unfortunately, he wasn’t.

“Poe,” he sighed after opening the door, making way for the figure of his boyfriend. “Have you reached a new level of aggressive passive that we’re yet unaware of?”

The pleasing smile of having just seen his boyfriend disappeared from Poe’s face, although not because of Finn’s remark. No; the frown that had suddenly taken over his expression told Finn that something very off-putting was about to escape Poe’s lips — and he didn’t even need to be Force sensitive to know that, he just needed to… know  _ Poe _ .

“We’ve got trouble,” Poe finally let it out, his tone grave and serious.

Finn eyes him suspiciously, knowing  _ better  _ than to engage in whatever Poe had in mind. And yet, part of his curiosity couldn’t resist—

“Okay, what is it?”

Poe stares at him dead in the eyes and says, “Our neighbors.”

Finn jerked back, making a face. “What about them?”

Tenderly, Poe reached with his hands for Finn’s, very condescendingly, “Finn… I’m highly convinced that our neighbors are potential murderers.”

Breaking all the expectations, Finn busted into laughter. His smile was bright and open, the sound of his laugh overtaking the entire place. He only managed to control his static behavior once he realized Poe’s face hadn’t shifted at all. 

“Wait, are you serious? Actually, properly serious?”

“Of course I am, Finn…!” he squealed, offended that he hadn’t been taken seriously. “I ran into them in the hallway, odd fellows I must say.”

“You’re the odd fellow, Poe,” Finn remarked.

He shrugged. “Perhaps. But not nearly as odd as them.”

Finn leaned against the doorframe, ignoring the several grunting sounds coming from Rey’s throat just behind them. “I’m going to pretend you’re  _ delusional  _ and just move on with my life, okay?”

“Pretend all you care, Finn,” Poe announced, “I’m not just going to sit back and watch as  _ you  _ become their next  _ victim _ .”

Finn threw his hands in the air. “I’m not going to be their next victim because they’re not murderers!”

Poe made a face, “And how would you know they’re not?”

“How would you know that they  _ are _ ?” he hissed, his tone coming out higher pitched than he intended. “Last time I checked, neither of the actual Jedi felt anything!”

“Because you’re so busy  _ meditating  _ that you forget to live amidst the living,” he held his index finger high in the air, “I’ll have you know, I was just getting back home when I passed them by. As the polite human being you’ve always tried to make of me, I greeted them, but they just gave me a weird look and straight away ignored my existence, too focused on the big black bag they were carrying to acknowledge my importance to the continuum of time-space.”

“You’re not that big of a deal, Poe,” he grunted, disbelieving that Poe was putting him through such a conversation, “Which of our neighbors are you talking about, again?”

“Dunno,” he shuddered, seeing as he opened his mouth to object and jumped in before he could say anything, “But I disguised myself in the scenery—”

“You mean, you started whistling against the wall and hope nobody noticed you?” 

“—And hacked into the residence log in the lobby so I could track them down. They live in an apartment two floors up.”

Finn seemed to think for a while before his head lit up like an illuminist bump. “Wait, are you talking about the Twi’lek couple that’s just moved in?! Because if you paid  _ any  _ attention to what’s actually happening in the living  _ sphere _ , you’d know that they’re not very fond of humans! Not after what the Empire and the First Order did to their species.  _ Of course  _ they wouldn’t greet you  _ back _ .”

Poe considered his speculation with a bow of his head. “That doesn’t explain the body hidden in the plastic bag.”

“There wasn’t  _ any  _ body in  _ any  _ bag,” Finn emphasized word by word, lacking the patience he had when Poe first arrived.

“You can’t tell that for sure,” Poe crossed his arms, “You weren’t there; you have no idea how big of a bag it was. It’s probably floating somewhere in a river by now.”

Finn let out a restless sigh. “This is obviously going nowhere. Can we please just drop it already?”

Unexpectedly, he offered Finn a wicked smile. “Then we make it go somewhere.”

Finn gave him devious eyes in return. “Whatever you might have in your mind right now, we’re not doing it. Rey? Tell him we’re not doing it.”

“I’m not getting involved,” she shouts at them.

“You’re not getting involved—” Finn moaned, disbelieved. “Okay, but as the head of this household, I say we’re not getting involved.”

“ _ You’re  _ the head of this household?” Poe scoffed at him, “Have you  _ told  _ the very angry and very mean Jedi behind you that?”

“You’re just mad because she threw you out.”

Ignoring his remark, Poe stood up, taking three steps back into the common hall. “Let’s see it for ourselves, Finn. They’re not home right now.”

Finn never moved so fast, grabbing a hold of him before Poe took one step away. “ _ No _ . We’re not doing anything. We’re going to stay put for the next three days until we become dull and dumb from all the alienation on the HoloVision.”

All of his words got lost in the air. “Shall we, Finn?”

Before Finn could knock some sense into him, Poe stumbled away from his touch and walked towards the stairwell, waiting with delight for Finn to follow him – which he did with halting steps. 

“Poe, trespassing is illegal. We can’t just break into someone else’s property!”

Poe casually climbed the first steps of the stairwell. “You’re overreacting, Finn. It’s not like we haven’t done anything worse.”

Finn attempted to hold him by the elbow, to no result. “Yeah, but these are our  _ neighbors  _ that we’re talking about. What if they come back while we’re still here?”

“Now, don’t be silly, Finn,” he ridiculed, at last reaching his destination, “They won’t come back so soon. They’re too busy hiding away the body.”

“There’s  _ no body _ to be hidden!” Finn yelled in a hushed scream, following him up to the alleged apartment. He found him there ready to pick the lock. “Poe, come on. Why don’t we take the Falcon for a couple of days and go look for potential murderers on the opposite side of the galaxy?”

Poe discarded the idea with a wave of his hand, simultaneously shutting him up and unlocking the door. He turned the knob over, carefully stepping inside. “Come along, Finn.”

At first, Finn stood perfectly still by the doorframe, hoping Poe wouldn’t take too long in there, but changed his mind when he realized how creepy he would look to anyone who dared to pass by, forcing himself to make his way inside and closing the door behind him.

“Now that you’ve seen there’s nothing here, can we please leave,” Finn begged, walking behind Poe like a desperate puppy.

“You’d make a terrible detective, I hope you’re well aware of that,” Poe accused, all of the sudden stopping dead on his track and having Finn stumble onto his back.

Finn immediately rubbed his nose from the impact. “You know what, I’m fine with that. I have no intention of becoming a detective anytime soon.”

Poe scoffed, “I thought you’re training to be a  _ Jedi _ ?”

Finn rolled his eyes. However, he understood that the more he went along, the sooner they’d get out of there, so he conceded. “Fine. What do you want me to do?”

“Look for evidence, obviously,” Poe stated, returning to his search around the place.

He sighed, “I’m sorry if I’m not sure of what to look for in my neighbor’s flat.”

Poe was too busy looking for traits of blood to allow Finn into his visual field. “Just do something other than standing there. I’m doing this for you, Finn.”

Finn’s jaw fell as he placed his hands on his hips. 

“ _ Excuse me _ ?! I’ve never asked you to do anything. In fact, you’ve proven yourself very capable of doing exactly the opposite of everything I told you to do…!”

Slowly, Poe walked back to him. He held both his wrists in one of his hands, whilst the other cupped his cheek. He whispered tenderly, “You’ll never have to ask, Finn, never.”

All things considered — Finn resisted the urge to slap him in the face. “Oh, shut up.”

Just as Poe had been doing ever since he came to find his boyfriend, he ignored Finn yet again. “Come on, I’m sure we’ll find something in the bedroom.”

Without much of a saying, Finn was pulled into the master room by the arm. Poe was in such a hurry he almost tripped on his feet. 

Finn let out another breath as he vigorously wandered around.

“So? Anything yet?” Finn pondered, arms crossed across his chest. He made sure to provide no help whatsoever.

“Nope, not a single drop of blood,” Poe answered, disappointed. “But that doesn’t mean anything. There are other means of murdering without making a bloody mess.”

Finn sank down at the edge of the mattress. “You’re not implying lightsabers, are you?”

Poe missed his sarcastic tone. “That’s a nice hunch, but I was thinking of something a little more orthodox, like a blow to the back of the head or strangulation.”

“I have a better speculation,” Finn opposed, “How about the only reason there aren’t any traits of blood or any signs of a struggle is because there hasn’t been no  _ murder  _ at all?”

Poe stared at him blankly for several moments, adding to the tension of the moment. 

“Nah, I don’t think that’s it.”

_ “Honey? Did you forget to lock the door?” _

Finn shot at Poe eyes of blood, mouthing, “I’m going to kill you.”

_ “Guess I did,” _ the second voice spoke,  _ “God, I keep expecting him to come to greet us.” _

_ “I know. He’s going to be missed dearly.” _

“Oh, I’m so going to kill you,” he repeated, clutching his fists together.

“So you’re the murderer here,” Poe concluded, spasming his arms wide, “Why didn’t you say something before? You could have saved me  _ a lot _ of effort.”

Finn tossed his brows together in anger, “You may thrive on adrenaline, Poe, but if you don’t find a way to get us out of here right now you will end up literally dead in a ditch.  _ Twice.  _ Both by me and by them!”

They heard footsteps approaching. “Under the bed. Now.”

The freedom fighters completely hid their bodies under the bed just as the couple dove into the bedroom. Finn had to cover his mouth with the palm of his hand so his erratic breaths wouldn’t be overheard. He could feel Poe’s calming one bringing static to the hair in the back of his neck. 

Oh, Finn had had no doubts he could  _ kill _ Poe.

He watched as two sets of feet emerged into his visual field, the ones in sandals walking to the nightstand, the other in sneakers sinking down at the edge of the bed right in front of him. Finn pressed his hand even harder to his nose, so the escaping air wouldn’t land against the man’s heels.

“The place still smells like him,” the female voice cried, full of sorrow.

“We’ll get another dog,” the male one spoke up.

When Poe understood what they had been carrying in that plastic bag, his mouth shaped into a soundless oh, which he was sure Finn had heard, for Finn mercilessly hit his elbow in the crack between Poe’s ribs.

“I don’t want another dog, I want our dog back.”

“Paloma—” he was about to scold her, but accidentally dropped his ring to the ground; it inevitably rolled underneath the bed. In attempts to retrieve it, the man bent down forward, palming the floor trying to find it. His hand was getting so close to Finn’s that Finn had to lean back into Poe to the point their hips were grinding against one another.

The man was about to give in and kneel down to grab it when his fingers wrapped around the tiny object – with a little help of Finn bringing it carefully to the general direction of his hand. Both Poe and Finn let out a sigh of relief when the hand disappeared.

The man carried on, “He was really sick. There was nothing we could have done.”

“I know,” she said, apologetically, “It’s just going to take some time adjusting.”

“Come here.”

Firstly, there were four legs altogether, and then, there were none. The sound of lips pressing together could be loudly heard from Poe and Finn’s hiding spot. Finn turned his head back to glare at Poe and potentially shoot him down with eyes. It took Poe a burning stare from his boyfriend and a tilt of his head to finally comprehend what was happening above them. His lips again formed a prolonged  _ ooooh _ .

“I have to take a shower. Don’t want to be late for work,” she pleaded, although moans of pleasure still escaped her throat.

“You know, it’s quicker if we take one together,” he prompted and the satisfying groan that came from her was enough of an answer, “Let’s go.”

The feet reappeared into their vision rage until they vanished to the bathroom, closing the door as they went.

Poe gave Finn’s back a pat of encouragement. “Get those little legs moving, Finn.”

Struggling with the lack of space, Finn managed to climb out of there. He didn’t even wait for them to depart the bedroom to a less risky place before he started hissing, “I’m going to fucking kill you!”

“Yes, you’ve made that perfectly clear,” Poe grunted monotonously, taking his time to meet Finn in the living room.

Poe could almost see the smoke coming out of his angry nostrils. “Because of a dead dog, we almost witnessed a couple having sex. Don’t you find that even remotely creepy?!”

Poe peered at him blankly. “If you say so.”

With a silenced yelp of annoyance, Finn turned on his heels to reach the door. His mood only increased when he found it locked and the keys nowhere in sight. He snapped, “Will you please make yourself useful and unlock the door?”

Knowing better than to cross his words, Poe opened his arms wide in redemption. “Yes, sir.”

He only didn’t expect his wide gesture to hit an ornament vase, neither that the object of decoration would fall to the ground and land with a crash, shattering in several little pieces.

“Ops.”

Finn turned around to face him with panicked eyes. “You didn’t.”

_ “Did you hear that sound?!” _

Poe shamefully bit down on his nails as the shower stopped running. “Apparently I did.”

Finn hopelessly pulled him by the wrist, “C’mon, we need to leave  _ now _ .”

They managed to escape the flat and close the door with no sound just in time as the tall Twi’lek man let out a whimper of disappointment at the sight of the broken vase.

“Why do you have to be so clumsy…!” Finn accused him of being, following Poe down the stairs.

Poe only bothered to answer him when they reached back to their own apartment. “I’ll get them a new one. They probably won’t even notice.”

Finn was the first one to get inside, being immediately met by Rey’s fulminating glare. “No, you  _ won’t _ . You’re not going anywhere near them again. I forbid you!”

Poe’s brows arched at the order. 

“Do I even wanna know?” Rey asked, long given up on reaching out to the Jedi of the past and now thrown over the couch, sitting with her legs thrown all over the place in a stance that she  _ knew  _ drove Poe insane.

“Well, for  _ starters _ ,” Finn crossed his arms, “Dear little Poe here decided to  _ accuse  _ our new neighbors of—”

“Forget I asked, I don’t want to know.”

Copying his movements, Poe crossed his arms, too. “I was just trying to save your life, Finn.”

He belittled him, “Save my life from what, the imminent danger from a dead dog in a bag? Or from the grieving of its owners?”

His lips ducked in annoyance. “Fine. Next time I come across murderous neighbors of ours, I won’t do anything until  _ after _ they murder you.”

Finn narrowed his eyes in disbelief. “There won’t be a next time!”

He shuddered, “Don’t be silly, Finn, you can’t stop me from bumping into our neighbors.”

“No, but I can stop myself from listening to your crazy talk,” he mumbled beneath his breath, “If you’re going to break into people’s flat, you’re doing it on your own. And I’ll make sure to visit you in jail just to say I told you so.”

“Alright, you just slow me down anyway,” Poe grunted. “All the other times I did it without you, things went much smoother.”

“ _ All the other times? _ ” he gave him the look, perplexed. “How long have you been spying on our neighbors, Poe?”

“Hm, ever since we’ve moved in?!” he stated what he assumed was obvious. “I couldn’t just let us live in a building full of people ready to kill  _ you _ , could I.”

“We live with a fucking Jedi!” Finn pointed at her.

“I’m not getting involved,” Rey said yet again. 

“See?!” Poe tilted his head, “Your life is in my hands! Do you see the  _ burden  _ that I carry with me every time I leave you unattended?”

Finn shook his head, sighing in defeat. “You really are maddening, you know that.”

Poe shrugged, “I just take care of your safety, Finn.”

His traits were serious, but Finn’s mood was finally starting to subside. “You take good care of me, indeed.”

A shy smirk even dared to shape the corner of his lips.

If only Rey wasn’t there to ruin the moment—

“ _ Ugh _ , get a room.”

**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoyed this, leave a comment!


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